Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? (tebtosca) wrote,
Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
tebtosca

Crack'n'Schmoop


 
Schmoopy goodness HERE
A couple fills for the domesticity commentfic meme because I was having a bad day and schmoopy crack makes me feel better LOL


Pairing: J2
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~300
Prompt: Trading sexual favors for passes on chores.



“You have a decision to make,” Jared said solemnly, his attempt at a stoic face ruined by the manic swinging of his leg from the bar stool.

Jensen looked into the sink full of dishes and cocked one eyebrow. “I agree. And my decision is to eat my breakfast off of a clean plate. Too bad your complete inability to act like a responsible adult is impeding this decision.”

Jared looked at him like he was speaking a foreign language and waved his hand dismissively. “Jensen, you need to see the bigger picture here. I only have two hands. They are gigantic, talented, magnificent hands—“ Jensen snorted “—and you know it, but I do only have two of them. The question is, what am I going to do with those hands.”

“Wash the damn dishes?” Jensen deadpanned.

“Or you can wash the dishes and I can stand behind you and use my gigantic, talented, magnificent hands to fondle you expertly until you forever associate sponges with orgasms.” Jared ended with a self-satisfied flourish of an arm wave, which almost toppled him off his stool.

Jensen bit his lip to keep from smiling. “I hate you.”

“No you loooooove me,” Jared grinned.

“I love your hands,” Jensen relented, as he turned back to the sink and started washing.

Jared slid up behind him and pulled the string holding up Jensen’s pajama bottoms. As one gigantic, talented, magnificent hand crept lower, Jensen mumbled “you’re still doing the laundry.”


*****

Pairing:
J2
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~700
Prompt: Babysitting for Chad and Sophia


“Uncle Jared! Uncle Jensen! BUILD ME A FORT!” a high pitched voice screamed from the living room.

“Jared, for fuck’s sake, stop hiding and help me!” Jensen hissed, pulling at the knob of the bedroom door that Jared had locked himself in.

“I can’t do it anymore, Jen, it’s too much, he’s evil,” Jared wailed sorrowfully through the door. Jensen could have sworn he heard a sob somewhere in there, but refused to take pity on the man.

“He’s a child, Jared. He’s not scary,” Jensen insisted, willing his voice not to waver with uncertainty. The kid might actually be the anti-christ. Or at the very least a high level, child-Lilith type demon. Or something.

The door cracked a little and Jensen took the opening to slam open the door. He grabbed Jared by one ridiculous bicep and dragged all 230 pounds of him into the living room. Once there, they both freezed, looking at the cause of their terror.

With tiny fists balled on his hips and eyes narrowed into his best approximation of a squint, Lucas Murray stood in front of them. Five years old and already well versed in making Jared and Jensen’s lives misery. Wonder where he got that from.

“Where were you guys? Why do you keep running away?” Lucas interrogated them. Jensen swore the demon-kid’s face twisted into a smirk, but it was hard to tell from his view behind Jared. Where he was totally not hiding.

“Lucas,” Jared started. He stood at his full height and schooled his voice into the most adult he could manage. “It’s an hour past your bedtime. Do you want your mom to come home and be mad at us?”

Lucas laughed and it was like little shards of glass impeding themselves in Jensen’s brain. That was not the laugh of a five year old. “Dad always says you’re a pussy, Uncle Jared. Scared of Mom, that’s great!”

“Lucas!” Jensen huffed as he came out from behind Jared.

“I told you he’s not human!” Jared squealed and ran back towards the bedroom.

It was right at that moment that Chad and Sophia chose to walk through the door. Lucas, the little sociopath, twisted his face into an angelic beam and ran towards his parents. 

“Hey honey, did you have a good time with Uncle Jared and Uncle Jen tonight?” Sophia cooed, as she stroked her son’s flaxen bowlcut.

Lucas squeezed her thigh and batted his eyelashes like a pro. “I had so much fun, Mommy! Promise me they can babysit me all the time, okay?”

A mangled sound came out from behind the bedroom door and Jensen coughed loudly to cover it.

“Thanks so much, Jensen. We really appreciate it,” Sophia smiled sweetly, but her eyes danced with amusement.

“No problem, anytime,” Jensen replied, smile weak.

“J-Dawg, if you are getting your rainbow juice all over my room I’m gonna kill you,” Chad hollered at his bedroom door as he shrugged off his jacket.

Sophia smacked her husband on the arm and hissed “language!” but Lucas just smiled. Jensen swore he saw fangs. 

Like father like son indeed.
Tags: crack, fic, jared/jensen
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